Hu’s Up First?

November 12th, 2011 – Honolulu, Hawaii, United States of America

Today’s Speakers

Host: Barak H. Obama, President of the United States

Introduction: Timothy Geithner, United States Secretary of the Treasury

Hu Jintiao, President of the People’s Republic of China

Susilo Bambang Yodhoyono, President of the Republic of Indonesia

Kim Hwang-sik, Prime Minister of the Republic of Korea

Tony Tan Keng Yam, President of the Republic of Singapore

APEC is an annual economic forum attended by the leaders of 21 Pacific Rim nations. This year APEC included it’s first ever Finance Ministers meeting as part of the forum. U.S. Secretary of the Treasury, Timothy Geithner, was brought along to represent America in the meeting. This being Geithner’s first time at APEC, President Obama briefed him about what to expect.

Obama: “I know you don’t usually work much with foreign heads of state, so I’ll tell you everyone’s names beforehand. Try to remember everyone. There are 20 other world leaders here, and we don’t want to embarrass any of them.”

Geithner: “Got it, boss. Who’s up first?”

Obama: “President Hu.”

Geithner: “That’s what I want to know. President who?”

Obama: “Exactly.”

Geithner: “Which president is up first?”

Obama: “President Hu.”

Geithner: “I’m asking you. Who is speaking first?”

Obama: “Yeah. You got it.”

Geithner: “Who is the guy speaking first?”

Obama: “He sure is. Hu is the guy we owe the most money to.”

Geithner: “Who’s that?”

Obama: “Yup. He’s the guy. He owns so much of our national debt, it’s ridiculous. So you got this now, right? The first guy speaking will be…?”

Geithner: “I dunno!”

Obama: “Yudhoyono’s up second.”

Geithner: “Well if you don’t know, how am I supposed to know? Okay…let’s try this again. Who is the first person speaking?”

Obama: “That’s right. You’ve got the first one down.”

Geithner: “I don’t even know what I’m talking about! Well…let’s try third. Who’s up third?”

Obama: “Hu is up first.”

Geithner: “I’m not talking about first! I’m talking about third! Who is up third?”

Obama: “Why do you insist on putting Hu third?”

Geithner: “Ugh…this is making me sick…”

Obama: “That’s right. Hwang-sik is up after Yodhoyono.”

Geithner: “Err…! Who’s up first, I don’t know’s up second, I’m sick is third, and as for the rest, I don’t even give a dang!”

Obama: “What?”

Geithner: “I said I don’t give a dang!”

Obama: “Oh. President Yam’s last.”

Breakfast

(To the tune of “Breathless” by the Corrs)

 

(Parodies are best when you read along while listening to the music.)

 

 

 

The sun is rising slowly

But time, it seems, is standing still

I’m waiting for you only

To save me from this hungry ill

 

I cannot lie

I’m starving deep inside

I’m losing will to survive

Can’t hide it

Can’t fight it

 

So go on, go on

Come on and make me breakfast

Orange juice, pancakes too, I just can’t deny this

Hungry feeling, make me long for seconds

Go on, go on

Yeah, come on

 

And if there’s no cereal

And all we have is a piece of toast

I’m happy just to eat it

I’m not complaining to the host

 

It’s in my dreams

Whenever I’m asleep

My favorite part is to wake up

Don’t lose it, just eat it

 

So go on, go on

Come on and make me breakfast

Grapefruit, bacon too, I just can’t deny this

Hungry feeling, make me long for seconds

Go on, go on

Yeah, come on

 

I cannot lie

I’m starving deep inside

I’m losing will to survive

Can’t hide it

Can’t fight it

 

So go on, go on

Come on and make me breakfast

Orange juice, pancakes too, I just can’t deny this

Hungry feeling, make me long for seconds

Go on, go on

 

Come on and make me breakfast

Go on, go on

Come on and make me breakfast

Go on, go on

Come on and make me breakfast

Go on, go on

Washington Gurls

To the tune of Katy Perry’s “California Gurls”

 

Title: Washington Gurls

 

I know a place where the sky is always grayer

Cold, wet, and damp

I think there’s salmon in the water

 

Sippin hot cider

Laying underneath the evergreens

Boys gouge their eyes

If they take a little sneak peak at them

 

You could travel the world

But nothing brings you down like the Puget Sound

Once you party with them

You’ll be wishing you weren’t here

 

Washington girls are so regrettable

Flannel shirts with parkas on top

Pale white skin

So cold you’ll drop your popsicle

Oh oh oh ohhhhhhhh

 

Washington girls are unreliable

Pine fresh smell they got it on lock

Cops raid parties like these

Now put your hands up

Oh oh oh ohhhhhhhh

 

Ice on the beach

You’ll get rocks in your stilettos

They live in their jeep

With Nirvana on the stereo

 

You could travel the world

But nothing brings you down like the Puget Sound

Once you party with them

You’ll be wishing you weren’t here

 

Washington girls are unremarkable

Hiking boots with rain coats on top

Frozen hearts so cold you’ll drop your popsicle

Oh oh oh ohhhhhhhh

 

Washington girls are irresponsible

Pine fresh smell they got it on lock

Cops raid parties like these

Now put your hands up

Oh oh oh ohhhhhhhh

 

 

Obviously it’s just a parody, just a joke, so if you’re a Washington girl, don’t hate!  I don’t really think so negatively about Washington.